I have to confess I have been a bit of a baby lately. I have not gotten what I wanted and this morning I flat out told God I was mad at him. It wasn’t the first time but this time I said it with a passion that surprised even me. The truth is I have broken dreams and I mad about it. I have dreams of living down the street from my parents and siblings instead of 900 miles away. I have dreams of having a 9-5 that will fulfill my need to be someone in this big world. I have a dream of having a marriage with little conflict and lots of butterflies and rainbows and I have a dream of not having depression. I have lots of dreams.
Recently my prayers have been that my dreams will come true. I pray that I will be healthy, happy, and problem free. I have prayed daily for my dreams, what never occurred to me though is that my dreams and God’s dreams have not lined up. I have not bothered to worry about what God’s dreams for my life are just what my dreams for my life are.
The truth is that our God is a God of breaking dreams but only to mold them into something better. I dreamed of a 9-5 and he saw me writing, I dreamed of a cozy house in Atlanta and he saw me writing a book for him while alone in Houston, I dreamed of a blissful marriage and he saw a chance to mold me into a woman of God, and when I saw depression and he saw a chance for ministry.
When pretty Kay Arthur told me that God will break my dreams I was angry, I didn’t want to think the God I loved so dearly would do something so harsh, but now I can see he only does it to protect me from myself. My dreams are important to him but what is more important is that I glorify him. I recently had lunch with a sweet friend of mine from Houston and her daughter. Her daughter told me that the one thing she got out of passion Ft. worth is that, “everything in my life should glorify God.” I smiled and nodded and fully agreed but when I took a closer look at my life I saw that I wasn’t living that way. I wasn’t sacrificing what I wanted for what would glorify God most. This sweet girl had just broken up with a guy she really liked because their relationship wasn’t most glorifying to God. I on the other hand was spending my quiet times whining about moving back home. I couldn’t see that God still needed me in Houston. God will break your dreams but only with the intention of doing something better for his kingdom.
So this morning, after one very stressful dentist apt and a lot of tears, I told God I give up. I told him he could have my dreams as long as he did what glorified him the most. I know that might mean more months in houston, a lot of hours in a coffee shop rather than an office building, rocky days in my marriage, and years of depression but in the end living for him is the only thing that will satisfy. In the end even if all my dreams came true if I didn’t glorify him them it would mean nothing. In the end days are fleeting and trials pass but the glory of God will never fade.
10 For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be over all the earth.