Thirty set of eyes follow me to the front of the room, most of them are my mothers age or older, I can tell what they are thinking, “what are you going to tell me that I don’t already know”, the same thought is running through my head as the executive director of the pregnancy help center introduces me as the next speaker.
I talk to moms
My youth has been a struggle since I graduated, wanting to do more than society tells me I am able along with the unique circumstance that I am blessed enough to work only part time, i find most of my days are spent with woman double my age and most of which wonder the same thing, why are you here? At first I can’t help but buy the lie, I have nothing of value to add to this conversation. These woman had been through trials, life, children, death, and I was just beginning. I have not yet had children, faced real death, or come close to a serious crisis. I have struggled my way to adulthood, that is certain but I have not been through the trials that come with age. The enemy uses this to tempt me to give up, to abandon my abnormal path for a more traditional one. I could work a few years in a 9-5 and then have a few kids and be the soccer mom but if i am honest with myself I know God has called me to something different right now, I am not yet ready for motherhood and the 9-5 job, I don’t think i have the strength or attention span to do that.
She asked me to speak because I am significantly younger than the rest of the woman in our training, she has asked me to speak about my generation. It is the one thing I have confidence in, I know where I came from and what I grew up around and since I spend a lot of my days in high schools I can tell you it isn’t much different from when i was there 8 years ago.
So i start, my knees are shaking as I ask God what he wants me to say but as always he gives me the words. I begin to tell them what society had told me as a teenager and the darkness of death that surrounds the current generation. I told them why sex is not valued or considered sacred, I told them how these girls want more than anything for someone to love on them. I tell them about Kerri.
I had one person who loved on me outside of my immediate family, my sweet Kerri, she was my real life guardian angel and I don’t think she knows today what an impact she had on my life. She would take me to Starbucks and let me vent about my latest drunken escapade and insert truth where she could. When I was in crisis i knew she was only a phone call away and there were plenty of times she would come into my room in my greatest moment of need. She always told me I would make it out of this, that i was meant for better. I tell them when i was first considering the worst decision I would ever make I went to Kerri.
I tell them about my greatest regret, sex outside of marriage, and my greatest healing, the day i found my lord and savior. I tell them these things because personal testimony is proof that the insurance you sell isn’t fraud. See my desire is to help teenagers, its to help the brokenhearted girls of this generation and i will go about any means necessary to help them.
Thats why I am training this week to help in the center, because I want to help teenage girls in any capacity. I want to share Jesus redemptive power and I want them to know they are not alone. So i shared with these older woman so that they might carry the same desires into their work. It was just a story, but it was one God had given me and those are always the more powerful.
So i might be young and not have nearly the life on me that these woman have but i also have a greater understanding of what is going on in my generation which God can use. The world tells me I am not old enough to teach and God tells me I am just the right age to teach his word.
Anonymous - i'm neither a teenage girl or older woman… well, actually not female at all haha… and tindell, you my friend just touched me. it's funny how we actually start to believe the "truth" satan and this world throws at us… that whatever crazy/illogical/possibly insane idea, passion, or desire in our heart simply can't be done… then we (myself) finally wake up and realize that he's exactly right… "i can't"… and then I remember WHO can. I'm sitting here close to my breaking point, overwhelmed, and up to my neck in stupid med school material… wandering why in the world i'm here and how insane it is to think i can actually keep going. and even though i have very little relevance to this blog, YOUR testimony and faithful desire (from Him) has inspired me. our Daddy has us right where He wants us, and our confidence can rest in that. so thank you for your real and raw words… i needed them. hope all is well and i'll be sayin (left that g off so you'd kno i was still gangsta) a special prayer for ya tonight!
your old bud,