Life has told me that if something is going to get done i have to do it myself. Life has told me that if i want to look out for anyone i should look out for me, it has told me i am the top priority and other people will never stay. Life has told me we are all broken sinners with an aptitude for letting others into our sin. Life has told me that people are cruel, men are scary, and fear is my only companion when the sun goes down. Life has taught me lessons I wish i never had to learn, showed me things i wish i never had to see, and promised me dreams that will never come true. Life keeps telling me to right the wrongs with more wrongs, run the race alone, and depend on my own strength. It has told me that the weak won’t survive, that death can’t be rejoiced in, and that God left me along time ago. It tells me my faith won’t weather this storm and my heart won’t handle anymore disappointment. It tells me so many lies on a day like today and there reaches a point where I almost forget where I can run.
I think thats what first drew me to Jesus, the radical way he offers a new kind of life. Forget me, abandon my wants and needs, and live with a greater purpose. Forget this life, death is just the start of something wonderful. It sounds so weird on paper, so different from the lies we have been swallowing each and every day. Be weak he tells me, let him be strong, care about others, live for him. I can forget about people doing wrong if I remember that he has always done right. He never has let me down, through family brokenness, relationship failure, seasons of depression, he has remained my constant. It’s always tempting to leave him though to “follow my heart” and run back to a life that seems more natural, especially in seasons such as these. In seasons where I am trying desperately to figure out life. The only way I get through it is to remember his past faithfulness. I will remember that every time I ran back to the world I was smashed and every time I sheltered myself in his abundance I was made whole. I will remember who has never faltered or failed me and remember the only one who gave his life for my heart.