A letter to the mean girls,
I see you. I know you. I was you. I know that insecurity is deep and if you hurt others then you hurt less. I know you think if you stay in charge you get to decide who could possibly wound you. I know you think that mean and strong are synonymous. I know you worry someone else will take your place in the precious social circle that you think gives your life. I know you are scared.
In middle school I was scared of you. In high school I became one of you. In college I ran from you. And now here I am raising two girls and praying they don’t become one of you. Then today my precious little four year old tells me a girl told her she couldn’t be her friend today and that her favorite color couldn’t be pink anymore because it was already that other girls. And she cried. And I held her. And I cried too. Quietly, so she wouldn’t know. I wept because the road ahead is hard and her tender heart will be battered and bruised along the way no matter how much I protect her. I cried for you because the world is mean and you are kind. I cried because anger and hate seem to scream at us from every angle. Take control they scream, be meaner than the meanest girl and you can be safe.
It isn’t true though.
My girl,
Be you, be the kind girl who turns her back and walks away when the world is cruel. Walk to the people who love you, get comfort and truth, and walk back into the world and be the light it needs. Don’t run and hide, make a difference by being different. There is always another hurting person who needs love so when the world of girls are cruel then find another person who needs a friend.
You will be tempted to join in, because it easier to be a mocker than to be mocked. It is easier to throw insults than to absorb them. It is easier to join the fight than it is to stand alone. Don’t give in. Don’t believe the lies that feeling good at others expense is anything but downright evil. Hate doesn’t solve hate and anger only feeds anger. Feed anger with kindness and it wilts. You my girl, can do this. You are already kinder than most of the world.
Be the salve this world needs. Stand up for the oppressed. Care more about others than yourself. Let Gods love for you infect the way you treat other people.
I don’t care how you do in school as long as you do your best. I don’t care how your perform in sports or on stages, as long as you follow your God given gifts, and I don’t care if you have a big group of friends or just one good one.
However, I do care that you treat others with kindness. I care that you love those who seem unlovable. I care that you bring joy to others and not sorrow. I care that you don’t whisper lies or look down on people because they are different. I care that you see your need for God just like the next girl. So my dearly loved daughter, you can always come to me. I’ll rub your back and tell you I love you until you don’t need me to anymore. I’ll encourage you to keep going when the hurt is raw and you want to give up. We can face the mean together and come out the other side. You are never alone, and your favorite color can be whatever the hell you want it to be.
Beth Brown - You are wise and a beautiful wordsmith! Keep using your gifts: of being great Momma and exceptional writer. Exceptional and real!
Tindell Baldwin - Thank you so much! What a kind compliment
Mandi - These are wise and well-written letters. I especially love the one to “my girl”. Mean girls have been a difficult part of this school year for my sweet 13 year old, so this hits home for us. May I use your letter to pass on to her?
Tindell Baldwin - Of course! Thats what it is there for!
Taylor Stanfill - So so good but also hard. It breaks your heart to think what they will go through as they grow up. But thank Jesus He has them in his hands.