The sadness hits me in waves like huge gushing, tear jerking, eye opening waves every time I open any media outlet. From plan parenthood videos that chock life up to a Petri-Dish of money, to cheating websites that promise you more than what you have, to people wagering exactly what they believe at the expense of others. I have felt nothing short of hopeless. I have felt the darkness swooping over the streets like a storm rolling in and asked God for answers to no avail.
Yet, In the midst of it all, I watch my children who have no idea. They have no frame of reference to the world I will one day release them to. They belly ache laugh at animal noises, silly songs, and tickle fights. They know nothing of political debates, retirement accounts, or future plans. They trust me and ben every day to wake up love them and give them what they need. I have yet to fail them in those two things. I am by no means perfect but they haven’t known real need yet in their tiny lives.
Today I read an article by a woman who in response to the latest Christian wife being cheated on scandal she said the hoped “her daughters breathed fire.” She has young kids like me and I sort of sighed when I read it because for so long that was my approach. I was a girl who breathed fire. I was a girl that thought forgiveness meant weakness and that mercy was earned through a series of paying back. I was a girl who was “stronger” than my greatest hurt. Until life got lonely and I realized I couldn’t strong hold pain into not hurting. The sad reality of this broken down life is that we will run across people who will hurt us and the only thing worth breathing is forgiveness. I have learned that strength comes from showing people what they don’t deserve and the only thing that gives me real peace is knowing I’m not any better. Even if I shelf my faith for this discussion I can’t out hurt those who have hurt me, I can’t push others far enough away so the hurt isn’t there, and I can’t mend my broken heart with angry words breathed from a toxic tongue. Real strength, real peace, real hope, comes when forgiveness is breathed in the broken parts of life. Do we stay? Not always. Do we come back? Not always. Do we learn? Yes. But do we risk our own hearts being diseased by someone else’s brokenness, yes, if we try to outbreak them.
Strength in this world might look like breathing fire, but this world is broken. This world isn’t working. You don’t have to believe in God to look around and say we have lost something. We are trading the real joys in life for temporary fixes. We are making ourselves feel better at the expense of others. So from a former dragon trust me when I say breathing fire hurts you just as much as it hurts the one who hurt you and if I hope anything for my daughter its not that she’s a doormat but a door that God uses to reach people for his glory. I haven’t even lived that long but I know hurt is in the equation no matter how we live.
So, Just like my kids look at me with big trusting eyes and ask me to love them and give them what they need God asks the same from me. Will I trust him to love me and give me what I need? Each day I have a choice when I get my kids up, will I teach them to breath fire in defense or will I teach her to trust in God not people?
Kind words are like honey-
sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.