Thursdays are my “day off” which simply means both of my kids are in preschool for a blissful 3.5 hours and I get to be an adult who carries a purse instead of a mom who has diaper bag full of snacks, wipes, and lord knows what else rotting at the bottom. I get some time to be just me. It’s a pure luxury but as a stay at home mom there isn’t one part of my life that doesn’t scream “I have small children”, except for Thursday mornings (and my car because I’m one of those impractical people who refuse to drive a minivan). So with summer fast approaching I am contemplating just how I am going to make it, because some weeks feel that way.
How am I going to have 5 days a week full of wonderful (but exhausting) three year old questions and horrific two year old tantrums? How am I going to run all my errands, both of them in tow, and handle 3 meals a day for 2 months with no one to step in and help? If it sounds like I am being a bit dramatic it is because preschool and salvation are the only two things that have ever saved my life. For me losing my freedom has been the hardest part of motherhood. I can handle the chaos (most of the time) and insomnia has helped me cope with seasons of sleep deprivation but chaining (figuratively) me to the house and telling me to keep everyone alive and happy is hard. I used to feel bad that this was hard. I used to beat myself up because I didn’t love every single part of parenting but now I know that’s just how it goes. I love staying home, I think it’s a huge blessing but it has its challenges, just like any job, such as trying to go to the bathroom alone (who knew this would be an actual issue).
Motherhood is just hard. It’s just hard work. It’s exhausting and draining and requires your blood, sweat, and tears (literally). So how do we do it? In every hard season (for many moms I’ve talked to that is summer… I mean how many times can you really go to the pool?) we just make it. We put one foot in front of the other, suck it up, and try to focus on the truly wonderful yet fleeting moments when they come. The good moments always come, when the sun stays out late and you watch them run around the grass with sheer joy written all over their face. They come when you least expect it and give you a glimmer of hope but its ok when it’s just hard. Hard seasons don’t make me a bad mom, they make me human. How I handle it is on me, but accepting it’s hard and admitting it doesn’t make me any less of a mom. I’ll do the right thing, I’ll rally, and eat mass amounts of chocolate when my coping methods get poor. It’s ok for it to be hard. It’s ok to have a hard season and ask God for help every single day of the sticky hot summer with nowhere to go and two sets of eyes looking up at you saying “what are we doing today mommy?”
So feel free to cry with me as April rolls into May and the calendar warns me I only have four more weeks of sanity. We will make it. It will be hard but we will make it and if you’re one of those moms that loves summer and can’t wait to spend uninterrupted quality time with your littles….well… Bahhumbug.
<—– where I will imagine I am every day between May 15th and August 15th