After a monday filled with middle schoolers I come home only to be met with dishes needing to be done, boxes needing to be filled, and a sea of dirt needing to be vacuumed. Instead of doing any of it I crash onto our bed in a puddle of tears. What was I thinking planning a two week trip to Africa when there was so much to be done here? All of the reasons I shouldn’t go came crashing in one giant wave of fear and I found myself praying that God would get me out of this. I decide the best thing to do is get out of the house and since I am supposed to meet my friends at bible study in an hour I head towards church. The weather matches my mood as it has been flooding all day and I have to fight the sea that is Houston to get to church.
Worships begins and I let the words wash over me as I remember why I signed up for this trip in the first place. My sister in law, who is also going, asked me to remember the moment God told me to go so I as I sing “Holy is the lamb” I think back on that day.
It was one of the long drives back to houston, I had just been in Atlanta with a friend and we had a twelve hour car ride ahead of us. Kerri had just told me all about the trip and the miles passed and the hours ticked on I couldn’t get the trip out of my mind. By the time we arrived in houston I had asked Ben’s permission and signed up for the trip. It was as clear as day, God wanted me to go.
Here I was though, ten days before the trip, wondering why I was going. The song ended and they started the hymm “In Christ alone”. The song builds until I am in tears by the lyrics,
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
In a few lines it becomes clear as day, its as if God is whispering in my ear, “this isn’t about you” and I realize it’s not. I’m not going on this trip for me, I am going to show these kids the love of Jesus. I am going so that one day someone will tell them that Jesus loved them so much that he sent people to love on them personally. I am going to show them what people showed to me so many years ago, that God loves them. They are just babies, they won’t ever remember my name but I know that one day they will know the powerful and holy name of Jesus Christ. That is why I am going to Africa.
