Why “I am Second”

I woke up this morning in a funk, convinced I could read my way out of it I bought I am Second on my ipad and started reading. Two stories in I was hooked, and not just because of the raw accounts of human destruction, but at the commor thread, we all desperatly need Jesus. It was story after story of pro athlete, band icon, and common joes but with one similarity, at the end of themselves they found Jesus. So I started wondering what my story would be like, what I would say in the pages of this book. Here’s my conclusion, my short synopsis of why I need Jesus. Heres why I am second.

At fiveteen I didnt know what I wanted, born and raised in a Christian household and walking in the shadow of three over achieving brothers, I was lost. I thought my Christiian life couldn’t possibly offer me what the popular lifestyle could so I walked away. I walked away from church, family, and the God I had worshiped since childhood for a chance to be in the in crowd.

It started small, just a beer, just a way to be a part of the crowd but before I knew it, it was a beast I couldn’t control. Drugs, drinking, and boys. Just a way to fill a void. Somethhing in me told me I was made for me but MTV told me this was the good life. I was just being a teen, just experimenting, just following the crowd. This is what i told my parents when i showed up drunk at school funcitons, was throwing up mornings after binge drinking, or sobbing in my room after another break up. I couldnt understand why this life that the world said would make me happy was so painful.  

Then after another break up that left me on my knees I sat in my bedroom with a handful of pills and was ready to take them all. Something whispered though, theres more. I put the pills down and picked up my bible. I thought maybe somewhere in the pages I could find my answer but I wasn’t ready. I didnt know who I would be apart from my friends, I couldnt walk away from the parties, and I needed the attention from boys to know I was worth something but deep down inside I prayed for a way out. 

Freshman year of college came and I knew I couldn’t keep living like this.  I was slowly self destructing and looking for more. I ended up at a Christian conference called Passion to hear my brother sing when God got my attention. It was the words to the song my brother sang that captured my heart. “Jesus Paid it all, all to him i owe, sin had left a crimson stain he washed it white as snow, Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.”  I never was the same. I gave up my old life and my old ways for the God who had never abandoned me. I realizd that day why I was never meant to live for me, i was created for more. I was created to serve my maker.

In all my years of living away from Christ i never once felt satisfied and it was only after I returned to my savior that I realize why. I need Jesus and there is no substitute for that.